Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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