I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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