Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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