Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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