what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
