I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
