she was so not down for the gang bang
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
