he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize