It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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