4 words: hood of his car
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
