You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
