He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize