Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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