The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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