how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We have started to decorate penises.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize