are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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