I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
