DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
