i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize