Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
