oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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