i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
