I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
