you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
