dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
