The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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