Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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