i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
