you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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