You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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