even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize