So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My pussy is not your playground.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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