Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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