Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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