plz talk dirty to me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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