You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
