I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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