Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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