No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize