You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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