i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
