Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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