We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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