I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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