He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
