White coat. Heels.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
