I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
