walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
