also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
