PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
