Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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