she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
