But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
