OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
