And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
