His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Brb crying the tears of my youth
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
