The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize