She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
