She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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