i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
