i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
