remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
