the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
