someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize