I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
