Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
