U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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