Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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