is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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