I just saw a hot homeless man
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
