What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
