This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize