I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
