3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
